Let’s face it: relationships? dating? All are quite confusing some way or another, especially when you find yourself in the conundrum of being asked out on a date. What do you do? What do you say? How do you know if this person is a good influence as a boyfriend/girlfriend? If you are wondering if you should say “yes,” or even “no,” to this proposal, read on to find six questions to ask yourself for beginning a relationship. x
1. Does he/she love Jesus?
This is kind of an obvious question to ask, but you can’t deny that it’s often overlooked in the beginning of relationships. There are so many cases where someone claims to be a “Christian,” but their lifestyle doesn’t back that claim up. In reality, if a person actually loves Jesus, their lives will reflect that love. Do they love and respect others? Do they attend church, read the Bible, and pray with meaningful intentions, rather than just as an act?
Loving Jesus is so much more than a Bible verse in a social media bio, and attending church every Sunday. It’s loving Him above everything, and everyone else–including you.
2. Does their name fit in 1st Corinthians 13:4-8?
This might sound like an odd question to ask yourself, but it’s actually really useful when determining how you should respond to relationships. While browsing Twitter a few weeks ago, I came across a tweet from someone that went a little like this:
“My mom told me that if your person’s name doesn’t fit into 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, he/she isn’t the one for you, and that really hit me hard.”
Let’s look at the verse:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. (NIV)
*Sidenote: I understand this specific verse’s context is describing GOD’s love, not people love, but it’s still a useful tool in relationship-related instances.*
What you do is take the word “love,” and replace it with whoever’s name, and see if it fits:
____ is patient, ____ is kind. ____ does not envy…. and so on.
If it turns out that perhaps So-and-So isn’t so kind, or trusting, or humble, then maybe he/she isn’t that great of a choice to date.
3. Can you see yourself marrying them?
I’ll admit that I’m a bit skeptical about the whole “date to marry” concept, but I do believe it’s important to think about this question. When you picture your future spouse, does this person have the qualities you admire/seek? Do you think that a marriage with this person could benefit the both of you? If you can’t see yourself living and starting a family with this person, then it’s probably wise to reconsider dating them.
4. What is their reputation?
This might sound pretty judgmental at first, but it’s an important question to consider. By reputation, I mean the person they are known by others to be. Are they kind and gracious to those around them, or are they rather prideful, even greedy? Do their friends and family admire and trust their decisions and choices? Are they responsible, or rather irresponsible and reckless? Get to know those who are around them quite often (i.e friends, family, youth group/pastor, etc.) and learn what they think of his/her reputation. The people who surround someone say a lot about their values, intentions, and qualities.
5. Do they respect you and your boundaries?
Does he/she respect and value your choices, or do they tend to push you into something you don’t want to do? Do they protect your personal views, or do they mock you for them? Anyone who does not respect you and your decisions is not someone to consider dating.
Sidenote: Please don’t compromise your beliefs just to get someone to like you. If a person does not admire or respect you for making the choices you have made, they are not worth your time.
6. What does your gut tell you?
Going with your gut’s instinct is often one of the wisest choices you can make before entering a relationship. What do you think about this person? Do they give off a loving, friendly vibe, or do they act rather creepy when you’re around them? Are they engaging and supportive of others, or are they rather distant, even cold? Do you find yourself in uncomfortable situations around them? If you feel deep down that entering a relationship with this person is not a good idea, always, always, ALWAYS, trust your gut. It’s better to analyze in this case than to end up in a relationship with someone who is not a good influence for you and your faith.
If you still are unsure, never forget that prayer is always helpful in these situations. Ask God to show you if it’s wise to enter a relationship with this person, and remember to always trust Him with the outcome–even if it’s not the one you hoped it would be.
I hope you all have a blessed New Year! x